After my workout each morning, I drive by the local high school on my way home. The school has an electronic reader board that says, “Smile!” And then it says, “Be NICE.” This drives me nuts on so many levels…but when it comes to money, “be nice” is awful advice.
The Mantle of “Be Nice”
I am sure at the high school that “be nice” is meant to discourage bullying and being mean in other ways. But in those cases, we’re probably not teaching kids to get along by telling them to “be nice.” We’re telling them to be accommodating, to fake positivity when they don’t feel it. Instead of accommodation, all we really need to teach them is to be courteous, which encourages them to act politely regardless of what conflict and differences emerge around them. To be able to politely decline, without explanation, any experience they don’t want to take part in.
At the high school level, telling a kid to “be nice” might mean they aren’t equipped to manage pressure–like trying a drink when they don’t want to (I wasn’t comfortable experimenting with alcohol in that situation, but I didn’t know how to NOT do it “nicely”). Or for young women, courteously telling someone “No thank you,” when they aren’t interested—and making it okay for them to say no—means they never feel like they have to accommodate someone to maintain the façade of “be nice.”
And most of the time, when we strive for the goal of being nice to others, we’re putting ourselves last.
“Be Nice” with money
When it comes to money, tons of it gets wasted by being nice or accommodating. The truth is, the less you care about how your behavior and reactions “land” with your friends, family or loved ones, the better you manage your money. The more you practice putting your own experience first—and politely declining anything that doesn’t align with that—the more money you keep.
When was the last time you had that dread feeling; the one where you knew you had to spend money, but you didn’t really want to?
Who are you accommodating most often to “be nice” with your money?
What situations do you catch yourself trying to “be nice” and using your money as the tool to accomplish it?
Where do you feel pressured to do something—and spend money—because you don’t know how to courteously tell someone no?
The next time you feel pressured to “be nice” with your money, imagine yourself as a kid, and try to remember how else you were taught to “be nice” instead of saying what you really preferred. Instead of giving yourself points for being nice, start giving yourself points for being courteous–while doing exactly what is best for you.
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