When you have financial goals and dreams that you never seem to reach, it might be because you’re resisting something in your current situation. You might have resentment or guilt over past money mistakes. Or you might have always told yourself that you’re not good with money. Or, you might be afraid to even admit what you really want, because it would disrupt your life so drastically—so you focus on the money aspects and remain disappointed.
Self love comes first
Any time we attempt to turn out dreams into action, self love is the center of it. Any time you set a new goal for yourself, you have to provide to yourself the same patience, compassion and faith that you would give to any loved one who is trying to fulfill a goal or dream.
Self awareness is part of self love. You can’t reach your financial dreams if you won’t face up to your current reality. This sounds obvious, but I meet with so many prospects that have elaborate stories to explain what is “really” happening with their current situations. Or people who refuse to dream because it might mean parting ways with loved ones. Sometimes we adopt the desires of others when we aren’t in touch with our own desires.
When we’re not in touch with ourselves, our financial goals and dreams aren’t connected at a subconscious level, so often we end up undermining what we SAY we want when it isn’t in alignment with our deepest self.
We learn to cover and protect our emotional responses because it’s safer that way, but emotions are a huge part of understanding how you’re interacting with money. Are you using money to fix something that makes you unhappy? That means you won’t have the energy to create or the money to use it for a better purpose.
Emotional disconnection and bad money choices
Here are some of the ways we waste money when our dreams aren’t authentic:
Comparison – Comparison is the enemy of happiness. We waste money keeping up with the Joneses…It’s easy to get sucked into thinking everyone’s life is better than yours and you need to do something about it. Once we gain clarity on where we want to be, it’s so unique that comparison becomes pointless.
Borrowed Desires/Goals – you’re disconnected from your essential self, so you simply follow the desires, aspirations and wishes of another, usually a loved one. This is what happened to me when I over-invested emotionally in my boyfriend’s film career (“our” career…), instead of seeking what I wanted as a vocation.
Misplaced Meaning – Regina and her husband went through an elaborate home building process, only to realize once they got into it how much they hated it there! With my first home, I projected SO MUCH onto what it was supposed to mean for me that I never would have been satisfied. It was supposed to fix my relationship, make me more social, give me an identity and be a symbol of my financial success.
Not Loving Ourselves Enough – There is nothing we need to fix to be any different than we already are. I used to spend thousands of dollars a year on self improvement books. And if you’re spending thousands a year on fitness because you think you “should” look a certain way, then you’re wasting money, versus if you spend thousands of dollars per year on fitness because you’re doing things that make you feel alive. That’s money well spent.
Making room for dreams
Bottom line, you must give up on finding fault with everything (including yourself). Focus on expansion, inclusion and collaboration. And even if you feel like you’re stuck in the middle of a current situation that frustrates you, remember that gentleness is a better tool than anger.
How do we make better progress toward our financial dreams? Try to move toward more self love and awareness with these tactics:
Energy Check In. To know yourself, you must know how you feel! Your emotions are your internal guidance system for preferences. There was a time when I checked my energy every hour, and then worked on feeling better.
Grain of Truth (In Comparison). There might be one takeaway from what you’re comparing yourself to, but the trick is to not go down the rabbit hole of despair! Always look for the piece of truth in the comparison that you can act on.
Separate Emotions from Stories. Jill Bolte Taylor, neuroscientist, says that we only FEEL an emotion for 90 seconds. If the emotion lasts longer than that, there is a story involved. It might take longer to untangle your story, but I recommend you start looking for it.
Journal Your Life. Your IDEAL life fantasy is not a betrayal of your current life. Map out all of the different areas of your life and journal about how they would look if you were living your life perfectly.
Trust Your Heart. Start making decisions with your heart and not your head. You might even start asking, “What does my heart want?” especially if it’s an area where you might defer to someone else. For years after parting ways with my fiancé, I had no idea what I wanted to eat or what movies I wanted to see!
Work on Active Compassion. I practice “Compassionate Driving” instead of becoming angry at other drivers, say silly things like you’re talking to small children or pets (“oopsie-daisy!” or “Come on, pretty girl, you can merge, come on baby!”). Recognize that the mean things that people do is mostly from a place of fear and you don’t need to go down that road with them. This is also an opportunity for Radical Forgiveness and Judge Your Neighbor.
Get Some Unconditional Love Every Day. This is why I have kitties! I think we all need a source of unconditional love in our lives. This also has to do with physical touch :o)
What are some other ways you can connect more deeply to your dreams? Tell me in the comments below!
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