Last week we talked about confronting your money fears. This week, we’re talking about your money shame or judgment. And you need to stop that B.S.!
Have you ever heard of someone getting MORE done and being MORE successful because someone was judging them, or they were judging themselves? Quit judging yourself for where you’re at right now with your money, even if it isn’t where you want to be. (Here’s a secret: it’s never going to be exactly where you want). Where you are is fine. You have all the possibilities in the world ahead of you.
I use the example of hopping on the scale. After the holiday season, it sucks to get on the scale and see what’s happened. Here’s the thing though… If you get on the scale after avoiding it for one, two, or three weeks… or one, two, or even three months, the news isn’t good (for me, anyway…). And then you get mad at yourself for everything you did wrong, the time you wasted, and you tell yourself a story about what was bad about how you behaved. Judge, judge, judgety-judgerson.Your money, your spending, your 401k balance... it's just a number too. It’s the story you’re telling yourself about that number — the judgment — that is making you feel bad about it. Click To Tweet
But that’s useless, because “what” the scale is telling you is just a data point. A number. It’s actually better if you weigh yourself every day because then you have a better sense of cause and effect. And you start to lose the emotion around what the number says because you start to understand the relationship between your behavior, your goals, and the end result. Your money, your spending, your 401k balance… it’s just a number too. It’s the story you’re telling yourself about that number — the judgment — that is making you feel bad about it.
Once you’ve started having more than a passing acquaintance with your financial numbers (logging into Mint or Personal Capital or using YNAB for 5 minutes daily, whatever), you need to forgive the past. You can’t move forward with a successful money life until you make peace with your money past. You might have made mistakes, gone into debt, not charged enough for your services, or have given away or spent all of your money. And that’s okay. It got you to where you are today, resolved to get started in a way that suits you better. Suits your ideal life better.
There’s no empowerment in the past, it’s what you decide right now, and the choice you’re making at this moment. When we become aware, stop fearing, stop judging and forgive the past, we’re freed up to focus on the things that matter.
So what money history are you still holding against yourself or a loved one? What evidence do you have that you won’t make that same mistake again?
We’ll move onto Rule #3 next week, but in the meantime, if you’re feeling uncertain or that you may not trust yourself to move forward confidently with your money, I KNOW that financial planning makes your money more accessible and gives you clarity over all of the areas. You can schedule a consult call or take this quiz to see which financial plan is right for you (it’s fun!).