I am going to pose a scenario. Don’t get caught up in the language… if you aren’t self-employed, or don’t work 1-to-1, just change the language to reflect what you do.
Imagine an acquaintance contacts you. S/he says, “You do That Amazing Thing You Do better than anyone I have come across in recent history and I really respect your skills. I was recently talking you up to a large group I am involved in, and fifteen people decided to write checks to you on the spot so they could start working with you. They want you to contact them and get started as soon as possible. And, I think that the other 50 people will start working with you in the next 3–4 months, so get ready.”
(BTW, for you employees out there, just imagine if you got a fantastic promotion or job offer that forces you to step it up immediately!)
What’s your first reaction? What happened in your body? Anxiety? Excitement? Fear? And what was your first thought after reading this? These things are a really good indicator of how much you fear success. (If you felt no physical reaction, double the number of clients and try again!) This is an exercise I’ve done with my clients so that they can start to become aware of the ways they are holding themselves back from more success (because it seems like success and money are intimately connected).One way to get at the core of whatever is holding you back is to identify the payoff you get for things staying the same. Click To Tweet
Here are some common reactions
Overwhelm. “I can’t possibly handle that many clients at once!” My client Adam’s internal “NO” barrier went up when he couldn’t fathom how to accommodate the influx of business.
Defensiveness. “There’s no way all of those clients are actually going to work with me; it’s going to be a pain in the neck to go back and forth with them!” When one client said this to me, I could actually hear the annoyance in his voice. How dare these (imaginary) people bother him? He reminded me of a turtle pulling into his shell so that he wouldn’t be affected by the onslaught.
Self-Consciousness. “I can’t do that, I know I am going to screw it up or drop the ball somehow, I’d need to have someone else to give away some of those clients.” Client Diana became paralyzed when she felt like all eyes were on her next move and wanted to hide behind someone she saw as more professional than she.
Resentment. “I don’t WANT that many clients at once; I would have no free time for myself or my family!” Client Tim actually became angry; how dare all of these (imaginary) people take up his free time?
What was your first reaction? In my experience, very few people pump their fist in the air and yell, “ALRIGHT!” when I pose this situation. Almost everyone has some kind of negative reaction, and that reaction is part of your money energy. Unfortunately, if you aren’t aware of your tendencies, you can get stuck at the same place, over and over again.
So now that we’ve identified your reaction, we have to identify the payoff. Believe it or not, everything we do has some sort of benefit, or we wouldn’t do it. Even the behaviors that are preventing us from achieving what we want in our lives or with our money have some kind of payoff. One way to get at the core of whatever is holding you back is to identify the payoff you get for things staying the same. For me, I had to acknowledge that I was afraid that success would send me right back into the old life I fled from. I was afraid that success meant working 60-hour weeks again.
When I finally brought that fear into my conscious awareness, it was just a matter of realizing that 1) success doesn’t have to look like that, there are many different versions where I can be successful and still be master of my own time, and 2) I would NEVER let myself do that same thing again because I am a changed woman.
Identify your internal conflict about success
I have a little exercise that I like to review when I feel stuck or suspect I might be undermining myself with my money energy. I divide a sheet of paper into four sections with the following headings for each:
- Things I LOVE about my <business success, money, etc.> AND Things I HATE about my <business success, money, etc.>
- Things I LOVE about my <business/money failure> AND Things I HATE about my <business/money failure>
BTW, you can replace “Business Success” and “Business Failure” with any two opposites that work in your situation; some of my clients use the term “Having Lots of Projects” and “Having Very Few Projects” or “Work Promotion” or something that better express the polarity around the specific success wall they have come up against. Or even “Having Lots of Money” and “Worrying About Money” might be a good one.
The next step is to fill each section with journaling or bullet points. You might believe that you can’t think of any reason that you would hate business success and certainly not any reason you would love business failure, right? Guess again. You need to sit with it long enough to get over your initial objections or refusal to allow for the possibility you might “love” something that seems so counterintuitive. Give yourself time to let your mind wander. Eventually, a small voice inside will tell you the reasons why you may not necessarily “love” business failure, but why you might be comfortable with it. Write that down. Once you have one, more will come. Just think about how your life might change with great success or failure.
When I first did this, I was horrified at what came out of me. I knew that the reasons I listed shouldn’t be an issue, but until I had used this process to ferret them out, they only existed in my subconscious, unable to be detected through logic and reason. Once I uncovered them, I could then consciously work on them, negotiate with them and reassure myself that I wasn’t required to allow the “dark side” of success to come with the good.
Write down your reasons why your success will make your life better, not worse. I have a list of all of the ways that success brings me MORE time to play, and I keep that posted by my desk. Monitor your emotional reactions. If you pay attention, you can tell when that internal “NO” barrier gets activated, so be a detective about your reactions so you can notice what triggers you.
And, if you would like to play with more tools around your money, check out all of the resources in the free library – you can get those here.