This week’s blog post is from one of our clients who experienced first-hand what all adult children face: dealing with all the issues around aging parents.
Like many middle-aged people, I’ve gradually taken on more of life’s tasks for an aging parent
Years ago, my mom needed my help unpacking boxes after moving to a smaller apartment. Soon after, though she was still fully independent, she needed even more help with things like sorting mail and making decisions about reducing accumulated belongings and files. I handled all the recycling, donating, and selling of items. A few years later, she wanted me to take over the management of her bank, investment accounts and bills as well as coordinate and accompany her to doctor appointments.
I am very thankful that she wanted my help. I’ve heard of many elderly parents who refuse assistance when their adult kids see the need and desperately try to convince their mom or dad to accept help.
I also feel very fortunate that my mom, who is divorced, had provided me with copies of her legal documents years ago. These included a healthcare directive, will, and both a financial and medical power of attorney.
Last year, as her needs for assistance increased, I wanted to ensure the legal documents were sufficient. I selected an elder attorney in Seattle who reviewed my mother’s legal documents and the contract of her senior living place. The attorney fee for this was under $500.
The elder attorney provided comments on how my mom’s legal documents could be made clearer, which areas were important, and described additional documents we might want to get for my mom. She also confirmed that my POA (power of attorney) was already effective, and that I have authority to handle my mom’s bills and healthcare.
That I was POA for my mom effective immediately when my mom signed her documents years ago was helpful! Here are some transactions I’ve completed for her in the past few years with the POA document:
- When she was unable to empty her storage unit herself, I did it for her without needing her present. I showed the POA document to the storage company manager, and I was able to close the account and pay the final bill.
- When I took over managing her bills and accounts, I set up online accounts, researched her bank and investment companies, and found out how to be listed as POA when needed. For most, I just filled out an online form, submitted it with the POA in PDF form, and got approval to conduct transactions from the financial account company. For others, I manage her online accounts without official POA status.
(Check with your attorney, but I’ve read that for liability issues, it’s NOT advised to be joint owner with a parent on bank or investment accounts.)
- When she needed help with doctor appointments and obtaining more care at her assisted living place, I submitted the financial and healthcare POA and then could manage her healthcare and be consulted for medical decisions.
- When the Medicare open enrollment time came, and my mom let me know that she wanted me to decide which plan to select, I could speak with a Medicare insurance advisor and handle the whole process.
There are many articles on how to initiate conversations with your parent(s) to navigate the legal and financial and medical needs ahead. Some resources are:
- DailyCaring.com
- Caregiver.org
- Aarp.org
- And specific to Washington state, a website that offers links to helpful articles and more resources: dshs.wa.gov/altsa/home-and-community-services/caring-aging-parent
An option for POA is for the effective date to be after a certain date or after a certain diagnosis, such as two doctors stating in writing that a person is incompetent. This option could be a big hurdle to overcome. Many legal resources advise making POA effective immediately.
If a parent is unable or unwilling to sign legal documents, an elder attorney can advise whether to obtain guardianship through a court petition.