For a lot of people, their heart and their bank accounts seem to exist in two completely different worlds. We’re admonished not to take things personally, not to let our emotions get the best of us, and not to trust our guts when it comes to matters of business or finances.
Your brain may make logical decisions and weigh the options, but your heart is what gives “juice” and meaning to your decisions. Your heart is meant to inspire you to do things for yourself — and to help empower those around you to do things for themselves.
But when you’re not clear on your own heart’s desires versus the people around you, things can get messed up. And when you’re not clear on what you want, what drives you, versus what drives the people around you, time and money are wasted.Your brain may make logical decisions and weigh the options, but your heart is what gives “juice” and meaning to your decisions, to inspire you to do things for yourself, and to help empower those around you to do things for themselves. Click To Tweet
Defining your desires
One of my clients, Cindy, came to me, and I could instantly tell she wasn’t happy. It was as though she were living her life running on a hamster wheel. She and her husband couldn’t seem to come to a meeting of the minds about anything, and I could tell that she wasn’t happy being married. But she continued working hard, earning money, trying desperately to make things work.
Now, I don’t typically advise people on relationships — I’m trying to make the money work regardless of what is personally happening between two people. But she and I came to be friends, and one day she asked me outright what I thought her biggest issue was.
“Before I answer that, I want you to know that I think David (her husband) is awesome. This is nothing about anyone except you…but my opinion is, if you look into your heart of hearts, the secret thing you aren’t admitting to yourself is that I don’t think you want to be married.”
She thought about that for a minute and then said, “Oh. My. God.”
We talked about it some more, and for whatever reason, she realized that she always felt like she had to hide who she really was (again, not her husband’s fault). For whatever reason, she kept herself locked away, never expressing who she was and what she wanted, always just following David’s lead on how they spent their time and money. It wasn’t until they got a divorce that she felt free. Now, she is in such a better place, happier and more prosperous, because she’s no longer denying herself in the name of trying to make things work. And financially, things started really taking off for her.
This is a classic example of getting one’s individual desires mixed up with the desires of others. If you find yourself working all the time to make more money, but that money then flows out to other people rather than to yourself or your own desires, you almost certainly need to take a timeout and get clear on what YOU want your money to be doing for you.
Blocked energy can also give us “mistaken” goals. If you think you should want certain things — a fancy car, a bigger home, designer shoes — but what you really desire is something else entirely, like deeper connection, more love, or spiritual connectedness, no amount of money will ever make you happy. It’s all about figuring out what your individual desires truly are — and then working to meet them.
Getting clear on your heart’s desire
If you think you might have money issues because you’re ignoring your personal, heart-felt desires, then a conscious spending plan may be the perfect way to start to unblock. Really taking the time to notice how you consume and how you feel about it.
The first step I usually ask people to take is to declare their chief money initiative for the year: in other words, what’s the one desire or value that you want to focus on for the next year? This is how people can integrate their core values and desires into how they direct their resources. Once you’ve identified that desire, it’s easier to bring your money and spending decisions into line with what you really want.
If you’re having trouble separating your desires from the desires of those around you, ask yourself some of these questions:
- What do you crave?
- If money was no issue, what would you do? Would you spend or save? What would you be, buy, or do?
- What do you feel like you have to do? Where do you feel pressure when it comes to money?
- Who depends on you financially? Is it appropriate (say, a young child) or are you disempowering them by helping them too much?
Because other people are often involved when it comes to your mindset around money, these can be some of the stickiest and thorniest issues to resolve. If you’ve been supporting someone financially (whether it’s beneficial to that person or not) and decide to make a change, it can cause a lot of drama and strife.
Still, I believe the benefits are worth the risks when it comes to disentangling yourself from the desires of others and discovering your own true desires. Just make sure you’re separating your desires from the desires of others to maintain a healthy mindset.
If this sort of money mindset talk intrigues you, I highly encourage you to check out the free library, where I have tons of mindset stuff for you to peruse – you can get that here, plus my Chief Initiative worksheet to start the year out right!