I used to have a weekly Friday lunch with one of my colleagues. We both had started our careers at about the same time, so it was fun to compare notes, talk about our progress and discuss our hopes for the future. One week, he admitted that he had been fighting a lot with his wife—that she was angry about a number of scheduling things and he felt like they never agreed on anything.
“Well, how often does she get to hear all of the things you tell me?” I asked. “About your plans and what you’re trying to accomplish with all of this?” I knew he loved his wife and wanted the best for her, and he was just going about it in the way he thought was right. The problem was, he forgot to share with her what he was doing.
At the following week’s lunch, he told me he had sat down with his wife and shared his vision. She loved his vision of the future and wanted the same things he wanted, but didn’t necessarily agree with how he was executing it…which was fine, because after talking, they figured out a way to go forward that supported their shared vision of the future, while at the same time, made both of them happier in the short term. The bottom line was, once he shared his vision, discussions stopped being about who was “right” about the tactical stuff and became about being on the same side in implementing a strategic vision for their family.
Vision as the solution
When things get hard, or you don’t feel like focusing on money–focus on your vision of wealth instead.
Sometimes I can’t get super excited about the tactical stuff either (reviewing my spending, calculating my taxes), so then I just sit somewhere sunny with my coffee and “vision out,” (Pinterest is often involved) and remind myself that this day-to-day stuff is just execution. You can experiment, regroup, fall off track and can STILL get to where you want to go.
With married couples, if we just communicate at a tactical money level, it’s easy to take opposite sides of an argument…but I notice that when we start out with the shared vision for wealth, the tactical stuff tends to fall in place more easily. The conversation shifts from being who is “right” and starts being about working together.
Vision as motivation
People tend to get wiped out after tax season; so this perfect time to go back to visioning. If everything were in place, what would your ideal life look, and how would money support that vision? And resolve to notice without judgment: how have your behaviors and actions supported (or not supported) this vision?
And remember: it’s easier to see how your loved one is getting off track than it is to see how you are :o) I encourage couples to always identify one thing they love about how their loved one deals with money, and one thing they would like to work on—that way, it’s never all negative.
Are you having trouble with your vision for wealth? My Chief Initiative workbook might be just the thing to help align your goals with your vision. You can download that here.