When you’re not making a lot of money, or feel like you’re in a survival situation, I think it’s useful to be self aware. Reflective of how you got there. BUT – just because people are in a better money situation than you, doesn’t mean they “did” any particular thing better than you. So why make yourself feel bad about it? If there is a lesson to be learned, identify it and move on. Scientists already know that expressions of gratitude make you happier.
However, gratitude means nothing unless you know your actions and behaviors are in alignment with your money goals. So yes, if you’re not acting with integrity around your money, then fix it…but DON’T feel bad if your circumstances aren’t exactly lining up for your ideal money situation. You still need to act and keep moving forward.
Money and meaning disconnect
One of my clients, Abby, was having a money/meaning disconnect. Abby was frustrated over the slow growth of her husband’s business. She’s not very interested in the business, but helps out a few hours a week until she discovers her true passion. Abby felt stuck about how she could serve herself and, at the same time, improve the family’s money situation. She was especially frustrated that her inner work hadn’t brought greater results this year.
I asked, “You’re saying you want to feel like you have more financial stability, have greater peace of mind and know you have the cash flow to fund everything you want?” (Yes, yes and yes.)
So I said, “Get a job.” (In the nicest way possible, of course!)
Abby had a lot of objections to getting a job—limited earning power, doesn’t like doing anything she is qualified for, etc. She was focused on all of the things that she DIDN’T want in a job, and then connecting it all back to make it mean she couldn’t have financial prosperity or peace of mind unless and until she found her passion. Or making it mean that her husband’s business was responsible for all of their financial prosperity. But in reality, none of those things are necessarily connected. I see this situation a lot with people who are focused on their mindset and inner work. They want something better for themselves, but they are still resisting the experience they currently have.Your outer experience is the direct result of your inner experience, so it’s literally impossible to change the outside without ACTING in the real world. Your inner work is not enough. Click To Tweet
How the “inner work” actually works
Your outer experience is the direct result of your inner experience, so it’s literally impossible to change the outside without ACTING in the real world. Your inner work is not enough. Therefore, the easiest way to start making money is to do something—anything. I mean, yes, do something that makes you happy or that you could see yourself doing short term. It doesn’t have to be more than that. Plans change, you can adapt.
I can use this analogy: I need to hike up this mountain. My first thoughts are that it’s going to be difficult, I am going to get all sweaty and look like a dork compared to those women over there in their lululemon outfits. But I can’t just do inner work to make it easier to move my ass up the mountain. We’re all here for an earthly experience and that includes experimenting with your surroundings (money included). You can’t just sit on the sidelines and “energy” the money into existence; you have to do something in alignment with that energy.
People mistakenly think that if it doesn’t feel good, you shouldn’t do it. Instead, I think you should reframe it. This thing is going to happen, it must happen (or you need it to happen), so how can you participate and feel good about it?
My reframe might say: I want to be a person who is able to hike up mountains with ease, so I need to start practicing and hike up this mountain. I can do it in a way that brings me more pleasure…I can take the path that seems easiest to me. I can give myself a little pat on the back and pause to congratulate myself on doing something I would have been incapable of 3 years ago.
Four thoughts to REFRAME
Here are four thoughts to keep in mind when you’re feeling frustrated about where you’re at:
- Resistance is futile. It sucks to be broke. I know this. I also know that when I was completely broke, I made the most mindset progress of my life! I didn’t like being broke, but I loved how it magnified my appreciation of the things that were still working. I loved how it allowed me to notice miracles and shifts in perception. And I loved how much I grew to appreciate my own resourcefulness and self worth. The lesson worth repeating: You must stop resisting what you dislike about your current situation to move past it.
- You have to be in this world to reap the benefits of it. Spiritual practice is awesome, but I never experienced miracles or connectedness until I interacted with the physical world and people around me. I have even noticed that the more I incorporate play-time into my week, the more prospect calls I get. You might have the greatest energy in the world, but if you isolate yourself and limit your external experience, you’ll still be stuck.
- Get off the sidelines and make a change. If you have been doing inner work around your money behavior, the money might need some kind of real-world receptacle to come into. You might need to change the energy you bring to your job. Or you might need a change of scenery if nothing is moving, by taking a part-time job, volunteering or creating a side hustle. You never know what will connect you with your future business partner, or cause you to unlock a skill or opportunity you never realized existed for you.
- Experimentation requires mistakes. People who want their outside world to be in alignment with their authentic selves sometimes believe that they need to wait for all conditions to be perfect before they can begin. If this were true, I wouldn’t be where I am today—I have been messing things up and getting things wrong for years! But I am also closer to my ideal life than ever before. It’s a process.
Make a list of all of the things that currently annoy or worry you about your current life. This is everything you’re resisting.
Next, reframe that resistance list. The place I like to begin is by asking myself, “How is this experience contributing to my personal growth?” and then find ways that you can be gentler with yourself during the growing process.
Finally, experiment. Look for ways to bring your energy and goals into the real world. Choose one thing to do differently and see how it makes you feel.And, do you want some help? Check out my vault o’ freebies, there are plenty of worksheets to help you reframe your financial goals in a good way – check those out here.